As I type this I’m flying on a plane back from Orlando. I took on some “muggle” work three months ago and now find myself trying many different tactics to balance growing where my heart is, here - in my business, with the very mortal requirement of my mortgage payment.
While I was blessed enough to have two and a half years of almost exclusively managing just my business, I also spent most of that time adjusting to what I was becoming; a mystic, a metaphysician, an energy healer, a tarot card reader, an intuitive/spiritual coach and a meditation guru.
I call myself a universe translator because at my essence, I read energy and I have a gift for putting words to things.
I’ve spent hours in study (and in meditation). And then, one has to giggle, that as soon as I figure it out and have the clarity of language and ideas, the impending mortgage payment was begging for some assistance.
So it’s no wonder that these mantras in The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn hit me so squarely:
“Infinite Spirit, open the way for the Divine Design of my life to manifest; let the genius within me now be released; let me see clearly the perfect plan.” (p. 75).
Followed by this one “I am fully equipped for the Divine Plan of my life.” (p. 82)
I was asked recently by a dear friend if I was a “certified coach”. I wrote back a lengthy response tossing all kinds of names around. I’ve taken a course with Deepak Chopra. I’ve studied with Martha Beck. The list went on.
All of these are true and, as my amazing friend’s response was - “I don’t need a certification to know that you are great at what you do, just wondering.” I realized that my response could have been as simple as "nope".
I didn't feel defensive when I wrote back. Yet, candidly, I do remember “the flare” I got when I received the message the first time.
Over the years of building my business, I worried about how to say that I wasn’t certified (I came from a life of titles, certificates and labels - naturally this was distressing). Over these same years I struggled each time I had to say no.
This time, my internal response was different. I had no attachment to the result; just a desire to set the record straight. My external response however, wasn't as eloquent as I had hoped it to be. This was another good practice run. The next will look much different. Much simpler.
I do remember arriving at the conclusion when I was tossing the idea around in my brain that I would rather invest in studying under a Shaman than get a coaching certification. I made my peace when that was my decision. It was telling someone, with my peace in tact, that was my challenge.
In recognition of my internal response, it was very powerful to get clear that personally, I was OK regardless of what I received back. If someone doesn’t want to work with me because I don’t have a certificate I bless them and off they go.
This question is just one example of the numerous little things that have come up lately that used to cause “pain” and “fear” in my journey.
Another was my internal feelings of inadequacy at work. (Gone!) It turns out that by running my own show, it fundamentally shifted how I show up working for someone else.
I’m crystal clear on my value and strengths. Crystal. Clear. Any and all self-doubt has evaporated. It’s a whole new (and beautiful world!). (I insist you can get here without needing to run your own business first - this was my path. I also know how to take you down it if you need help.)
And yet another, my feelings of inadequacy from an intelligence perspective.
I love my brain. I always have. I have always been exceptionally confident that I have an intelligent brain even if it doesn’t work like other brains do. As an adult, that confidence has spurred reactions in others that would cause them to want to “reduce” my size.
When we would talk, the tone of voice directed at me would get condescending or angry. I’d end up with a visceral physical reaction of wanting to crawl out of my skin. I would leave the conversation feeling stupid, usually in tears and ashamed of my emotions.
The tears were because I was processing. (I cry when I’m happy, sad and angry - yes, this can be confusing.) Tears are not universally accepted in the circles I used to run in as proper business etiquette. The closer these people were to me on a personal level, the more violent the reaction I would have.
The most recent test of this comes in the form of a human in the new muggle role who has pushed all of these buttons. I almost fell into the pattern. Almost. I caught myself.
I saw it happening, I felt where I was going and I shifted my response. I called the person out on their behavior. I offered an olive branch. It was ignored. I was able to laugh at the whole thing. This is tremendous for me!
I bless the human - they are on a journey; it’s not mine. I’ve played my part and now I’ve honored the divinity in said human and I’m walking away. Phew! That was a big one!
As I started reflecting on 2017, which was a huge year: a New-Year 3-day workshop, a 10-day silent meditation retreat, a family trip to Denver with my daughters, a trip to South Africa, a year with an amazing spiritual coach. I became a Reiki Master, I took my first skydive, I celebrated my Dad’s 80th in New Hampshire, I built my meditation garden and launched meditation hours, found my voice as a business…the list goes on...
Then, comes to a screeching halt when I started the new muggle role in September.
I felt, for a few moments longer than I would have preferred, like everything I had accomplished this year had been “erased” for something as ordinary as money. I was devastated.
And then I wrote this story to you, sparked by the book and the mantras, and realized that everything that’s happening at the moment has been put on my path to show me truly how far I’ve come.
These experiences are all serving to emphasize the work I’ve done and the success I’ve been able to accomplish. The universe, in its infinite wisdom, has been putting me back in scenarios I would have struggled through in the past. Making it really obvious just how much I have changed, strengthened and as we say in the spiritual world, leveled-up.
My 2017 word of the year is Sovereign. I’m proud to say that it’s clear to me, for perhaps the first time, that I am securely in my Queendom. Each of these examples and my response to them has showed me that. More self-doubt gone by the wayside.
What a powerful year! What a lovely reminder that there are gifts in every experience.
Sometimes you need distance and perspective to recognize the gifts. But in the paraphrased words of Richard Bach in my beloved book Illusions; We are not given a problem without also being given the tools to solve them. We create the problem because we need their gifts.
Let this recognition of these gifts catapult me into my divine right life because I now know that I am fully equipped for it.
So I declare: Infinite Spirit, open the way for the Divine Design of my life to manifest; let the genius within me now be released; let me see clearly the perfect plan.
Make 2018 the year of my Divinely Designed right life manifested in reality.
I want 2018 to be the same for you.
If you want some help studying your story, finding your path, owning your gifts and making a plan to make your divinely designed life your reality; join me in my group workshop Saturday Jan. 20th, 2018 or contact me for private coaching.
I’ve got you, love. It’s what I was born to do.