Happy September 1st.
Wow! What a summer.
There’s a story stirring inside of me about my golf course escapades this summer but each time I try to write them, I get all tangled in where the story wants to take me. I’m certain it’s because I’m not quite through the processing phase of it all yet.
My daughters went off to school today for their first day. It’s 1st and 4th grade for my precious gems. Tomorrow starts the last two days before I’m completely done with the course, which I’ve reframed as the few months I needed to “reset" myself and what I want.
All of this deep thought and transition is happening at the same time that I’m integrating everything I’ve learned this summer about who I am, about how I show up and about who I want to be.
I never thought I’d learn as much as I did in three months at a golf course but I did.
There were so many reasons I was “called” there. There were more ego checks, boundary setting lessons and epiphanies than I thought possible.
Right now however my heart is focused on the things I’m going to miss most. This is natural with most endings. This course has been my only true social outlet for the last few months.
There’s this thing about being divorced and seeing your kids 50% of the time; I’ve mentioned it in a few blog posts previously but there is this blowing in the breeze feeling where I’m not tied down to anything. No one is expecting me to show up for something (except my kids when I have them).
The golf course required some form of showing up; some ounce of obligation I wouldn’t have otherwise had. I got to talk to people and meet new ones. I got deeper into my community through recognizable faces. I felt a part of something bigger than myself; more so in the last big event at the course when we hosted the Boeing Classic PGA tournament.
All of this to say that right now, there’s a sense of mourning. It’s typical at the end of anything to feel a sense of loss. I’m rolling with it. I’m also giving it space to just be.
This is important; the ‘just being’ space.
I was listening to a Rob Bell podcast called Robcast today as recommended by a friend about seasons. In episode #115, Rob was talking about sending his son off to college and the significance of this “season change” for him and his family. It’s an excellent and highly recommended listen.
The part that hit me most was his parting thought that people want to rush through the end of one thing and the beginning of another. He called the space in between the liminal space. I hadn’t heard this term before. When googling liminal space, this is what pops up:
Liminality is the in-between moments, the space between an inciting incident in a story and the protagonist's resolution. It is often a period of discomfort, of waiting, and of transformation. Your characters' old habits, beliefs, and even personal identity disintegrates.
Rob’s comments were that as modern people, we don’t go through this period gracefully or worse yet, we rush through it so we don’t reap its goodness and its rewards but that it can be the most transformational, most important part of the journey.
If you’ve been following my story you’ll know that I’ve been in deep transformation for many months now; going on almost 3 years.
To know that I’m once again entering a space where my “personal identity is disintegrating” feels true to me at a cellular level. And after three years, I’m exhausted from transformation. I’m weary from the journey I’ve taken so far.
I’ve grown more, gone higher and removed so many limits to my personal beliefs. I've redefined how high I can go and how much power I have - it’s awesome.
I’m still tired.
I don’t know where the next phase will take me. I’ll end the job, gather my thoughts and then head to Lake Tahoe for a #ShineTheLight retreat hosted by my incredible life coach, Carrie Saba. It’s THE perfect thing I need right now. Of course it is; as all things are divine in their timing even if we don’t know it in the moment we are planning them.
Here’s to a new month.
Here’s to a new season.
Here’s to what’s next...
With an eye towards the horizon (because my 9 of Wands said to keep my focus forward) I welcome you to September and encourage you marinate in the liminal space as this season changes. I’ll see you on the other side.