You’ll know, if you are a regular here, that I like to experiment in all kinds of ways; not in unsafe or harmful ways, but with my life; in who I am, how I show up and how I spend my time.
I recently was celebrating my manifestation of a fun, flexible summer job that brought in a little bit of money. I didn’t take the job because of the money.
I need to get out of my house.
I am a social person by nature. On the scale of extrovert/introvert I definitely fall toward extrovert and while I find solace in my peace and quiet, I get recharged by interacting with other people.
As a soloprenuer working out of my house and a single mom of two, social time can be hard to come by. I do a lot of work from home and by myself.
People energize me. This job is my summer social outlet.
The first week, I worked four days. The regular schedule will be two days a week, but during training I was asked to double my schedule.
It was a tough four days.
I cried three times, mostly out of frustration. Long hours and very physical work, has inflamed an old back/hip injury and my body is hunched over, crooked and in pain.
I know in time I’ll adjust, but the start of this journey has been tough.
Right now, I'm in the turmoil of transition.
I realized I fell quickly back into old patterns and habits. Just like that, someone is giving me a paycheck and my behaviour, attitude and perspective are different. Like I’ve put on a mask because I’m an “employee” again. The prioritization I put on my self-care over the last year went out the window.
I let go of important boundaries I’ve created and stepped back into the story my parents wrote for me.
As a child, my Dad seemed to always be working in the name of providing for my family. I never wanted for anything and was always deeply grateful. I would have easily however given up the extra to see more of my Dad. My Mom worked too but she worked in the school so her hours matched the hours my sister and I were in classes.
My Mom was a secretary or teacher, my Dad was a butcher or handyman. Both were very well respected in their jobs and what they did. They were hardworking people before they both retired.
This is where I learned the value of time, work and money.
I’ve been exploring this relationship heavily over the last year. I remember at some point the realization that I was having a hard time bringing in money because building and creating my business was fun, enjoyable and didn’t feel like “work”.
What’s now striking me, with a twisted sense of humor, is that I’ve worked harder, physically, emotionally and spiritually in my “fun” summer job that I have in quite a while and my paycheck won’t have much to show for it.
The entire foundation under which money has flowed into my life is being challenged, tested and broken-down.
This is the beauty of new experiences.
Because only when we are given the opportunity to break down the underpinnings of the stories we’ve built for ourselves and our lives, can we begin to examine and rewrite the story that suits us best, in the now.
On the other side of this massive transition, is a fantastic new story that will forever change who I am and who I want to be.
I know that part is critical to the process. I am, however, very much looking forward to being on the other side.