I’m in the middle of an exploration on self-love.
I’ve realized recently that across my life, I’ve had a lot of personally-directed negativity. I’m also ready to change it.
Self-love became my project as part of my involvement with the Soul Charmer project.
The Soul Charmer project was started by a dear friend Sarah Andrews as a safe supportive, community-oriented place for people to take a guided exploration of deep wounds that needed healing, to remove blocks and obstacles to their success and to change the stories we’ve told ourselves.
I designed this project so that I focus on self-love over the course of 5 weeks, with each week being dedicated to a specific love language based on the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Sunday was my first day of loving myself through the language of Quality Time. It was late Sunday evening when I was given a beautiful opportunity from the universe to explore this concept in a way I never would have expected.
I spent the evening filling out various “calls” from different groups looking for speakers for their conferences. As I was filling out a speaker application for the Peers Conference, the final question was this: “If I could have dinner with anyone *ever* who would it be and would I cook, order pizza, go out….?”
I struggled to answer the question.
I thought first of family members I had never met like my Father’s parents. Then, I thought of people I look up to. I thought of the idols of my childhood. Then the idols of others. I started to think of world leaders, movers and shakers, authors, and people who helped shape our world as we know it today. I thought about everyone I am curious about and then I had a thought that made me cry.
I thought about myself as a child.
I thought about all of the struggles I’ve had over self-confidence and self-hatred. I thought about how lost I felt for such a significant amount of time in my life and I realized it was her I wanted to have dinner with; the child version of myself.
I want to cook for her so I could infuse her food with love and strength and nourishment for body, heart and soul.
I want to tell her that she is special.
I want to warn her that someday the world would make her feel like she is “wrong”; that the world would make her feel as if she had to “fit in” or she wouldn’t be loved or be successful.
I would tell her that these things are untrue.
I would tell that little girl that her only job in life is to find what is in her heart and soul as her purpose, her fire and her passion and then to devote her time and energy to that pursuit.
I would tell her that her happiness lies in herself and not in any person, place or thing outside of her.
I would give her the skills to protect herself from the naysayers. The knowledge that she is beneath no one and that no one is beneath her.
I would encourage her to be more trusting of that voice in her head; the one that is always looking out for her best interest.
I would tell her that loving her self is the bravest and hardest thing to do and one of THE most important and then I would show her what that looks like.
I would make her practice until she could feel it.
I would teach her how to turn her pain and sadness into gratitude. To take the beautiful brilliant light that I can see in her eyes and tell her to put it on “high” and never to dull or dim that light for anyone or anything.
I would teach her to deflect negativity. I would teach her to protect her precious energy from those whose sole purpose is to drain her of it.
I would give her the gift of knowledge that God and the universe are on her side and helping her to make her dreams come true.
I would sit down next to that beautiful little girl and I would hold her hands. I would look deep into her soul through her endlessly deep brown eyes and I would tell her that above all else she is a divinely magnificent, radiant, sacred, fierce creature with a big open heart and that when she is in doubt, she need only look into her own heart for the answers to life’s questions.
That her legions of guardian angels would be watching over her so that she should not be afraid to just be herself. Ever.
I’d give her a big, warm, supportive hug.
Then I’d ask her to write it all down. To remind herself of our chat together. To keep it in a safe place so she can read it again and again and again as the years go by when she needs a reminder of her beauty, of her power and of her purpose.
I don’t know that time travel was in conference holder's expectation of an answer; I doubt it was. There wasn't room for more than a few sentences to answer.
Regardless of what decision they make about me being a speaker for their conference; I’m deeply grateful that I had an opportunity to explore the answer to this question.
And, as always, I’m in awe of this perfectly timed gift from the universe.
It’s so apropos that on the day that I start loving myself in the love language of Quality Time that I should get to have this incredibly moving and healing conversation with the child I once was.
If you had a moment to revisit the child you once were - what would you say?