I learned a few years ago that having my own definition of success was crucial to my happiness.
I admitted a few weeks ago that I’m a people pleaser. As I’ve continued to pull off layers of this onion I’ve realized that in addition I am also an advice seeker and that validation and approval from others matters to me.
Because my business just passed the 1-year mark (Woo Hoo!), I still have a lot to learn so the advice seeking is at an all time high. I’ve been working on a new program that launches on Jan. 6th and as part of the launch I wanted to record a video. (I’m proud of this 1:38 seconds of stardom!)
I have had some amazing input and help from a collection of people that I highly regard. I’ve been very blessed with their feedback and expertise.
There also comes a time when it doesn’t matter what others think or say - what matters is what feels authentic to me.
Since a young age, we are taught that if we do what’s “right” as defined by our parents, teachers, family etc. that we are rewarded. If we do “wrong” we are made to feel shamed, or perhaps punished.
It’s part of our societal responsibility to learn the rules and to follow them. Our caregivers and educators in our younger years take this responsibility very seriously.
Here’s the trap that a lot of us fall into - we stop listening to that voice inside of us that says “this doesn’t feel right to me.”
Instead, we look to others, as external validation (like we are taught to do). This is 100% normal.
At some point in our lives however, we get more and more confident in our own perspective and the reliance on external validation becomes less necessary - at least for some.
In addition, as the company we keep diversifies, it becomes harder and harder to get advice that doesn’t conflict in one way or another - forcing us to choose a path that’s at least in-part driven by our own desires and choices.
For me, this confidence has been a long time coming. I can talk a good game but not until recently did I feel like I knew how to play it well enough.
As I prepare for the launch of a new year and a few new programs in my business I’m finding myself, once again, seeking the guidance of others. Once I get the input I am always gracious and thankful.
I know the advice is given with the purest of intentions and with my best outcome in mind - I wouldn’t ask anyone who isn’t.
I also know after much trial and error that at the end of the day, what feels best to me is what works best for me. If I’m not feeling it - no one else going to feel it, at least not how I intend them to.
Back to that definition of success…as I’ve been down this path, growing my business and creating new things to put into the world, I’ve added a new component: Success feels good, right & light - if it doesn’t, it’s not going to happen.
And the people I now surround myself with, love me enough to never take it personally, so I’ll keep asking for input and advice and then learn my way through the choices I ultimately make.
Nothing teaches us quite like experience and in my experience - good, right & light is the only way.