A Sense of Space
Around Halloween I celebrated the 1-year anniversary of owning my own home. This is a pretty big deal for most people but for me it’s particularly worthy of celebration because this is my first home purchased as a single woman.
It was a series of coincidences and intuitive nudges from others that brought me to my home in the first place. I went through quite a few hoops to make everything happen and had to revisit a few times to ensure it was worth it.
Each time I was away from the house I could be logical about what was happening but when I was in the house, it just felt right - I would have gone through any heartache to ensure I got to call this place home.
I’ve told a few people that my house claimed me before I claimed my house.
When I moved in, I entered my new home in a way I had never done before. It wasn’t exactly what my dear friend Nicole Marie suggests in this New Home Ritual but it was pretty close.
I sat at the center of each room and in my mind I held a picture of what I wanted that room to be.
I imagined my children playing. I imagined people I love laughing, smiling and settling in comfortably. I imagined a current of peace, light and love filling all of my space.
Shortly after I moved in, I found out my daughter’s friend was moving in 4 houses down. Within a week it seemed like their home was perfectly set up. I remember seeing it and then coming home and immediately playing the comparison game. It’s a new development and we have the same floor plan, so the game was pretty easy to play.
Suddenly my house looked more likely a Holly Hobby craft project.
I wasn’t less proud; just more aware of the visual presentation of my home.
I recently sent some pictures of my daughter’s rooms to my brother so he could plan their Christmas gifts. As I was composing the message and explaining the order of the photos, I had that same feeling of awareness; a general dissatisfaction with the look of my girls’ rooms.
I give my daughters the freedom to decorate how they want; besides the dressers and bed frames, they’ve picked out everything themselves. The art on the walls was created by them.
In person, each room feels so special, unique and individual, just like my girls.
In photos however, they look plain and kind of hodge-podge.
As I was telling a friend the story above, I realized (with her help) that I feel physical spaces more than I see them.
With this epiphany, as I walk around, I "see" my house so differently now. My decorating choices make much more sense. I could never name my style. I can't tell you why I chose any particular piece.
I realize now that every item in my home serves to enhance and elevate the peaceful, love-filled feeling I want my home to have for all who enter.
I read this quote on the white-board my mentor had hanging in her office during my last corporate gig. It’s been my favorite ever since.
While I'm definitely still "settling in" and taking the time to sort the spaces that need to be addressed, I now know why it's taking me so long. Every time I add or remove something from my home, it all has significance; each move changes the feeling of the space.
I love when a narrative about shame and vulnerability turns into such a beautiful lesson about who I am and how I show up in my space.
Next time I decide to compare or judge my space vs somewhere else, I'll simply close my eyes and feel my way through.
I love when it all comes together.
P.S. This week's photo is the sunrise as shot with my iPhone through my bedroom window. (Behind the trees you can see the first snowfall of the year on the mountains.)